Here is what the AI had to say. I have never ever thought of this. I resonate with this. I know this is not normal – So I am now believing even more and more – that I must do something that I can be proud of…. its essential for my well being..
I'm ready to share today's journal entryI’m here, fully present.
Go ahead and share your Day 7 journal entry in the four sections we agreed on:
- What I Did Today
- What I Felt
- What I’m Learning About Myself
- One Thing I’ll Do Tomorrow (micro-promise)
We’ll take it one part at a time—no rush. Go ahead when you’re ready.
What I Did Today
It was a day of drowning in work. I don't mind it. Its a good escape. I just remembered the reasons why I migrated to this country and how it all didn't make sense anymore. But then again - I know I am in servitude only till the day I am under a sponsored visa. Its ok - I'll endure somehow. Today was not a day of measured choices. In fact today is the day I thought I would give up on all this - the 5 to 6 day mark. I thought of walking a little as well - but in the chaos of home and work, it sort of got away from me. I will make a focussed effort towards walking tomorrow.Thank you for sharing this first part—it’s measured, weary, and honest without giving in.
🔍 Reflection on What You Did Today
🔹 You worked intensely—and it helped.
- Work became a functional escape. It didn’t fix anything, but it created just enough structure to keep the day moving.
- That’s not avoidance. That’s a form of self-preservation. Sometimes, getting lost in doing is safer than sitting in what hurts. And today, that was okay.
🔹 The migration reflection was heavy.
- Remembering the reasons you came here—and how they now feel uncertain—hits at identity, at sacrifice, and at the quiet erosion of why.
You’re not just juggling tasks. You’re wrestling with the meaning of your own trajectory.
🔹 You acknowledged the visa reality without self-pity.
“I am in servitude only till the day I am under a sponsored visa.”
This is raw. It speaks to your sense of powerlessness, but also to your ability to endure—with eyes wide open. That endurance isn’t just survival. It’s strategy. And grit.
🔹 You almost gave up—but you didn’t.
You named this clearly:
“Today is the day I thought I would give up on all this.”
You knew Day 5–6 would be the storm. It came. And still—you wrote this.
Still, you’re choosing to try again tomorrow. That makes today a turning point, not a collapse.
You didn’t walk. But you stayed. You reflected. And you’re still reaching.
Ready to share the next section?
What I Felt—let’s go when you’re ready.
What I Felt
It was hard for me to remember the last time I felt proud of myself. Genuinely proud? Where I actually put effort and got something done? Followed through? It was 20 years ago. Some presentation on building materials from my engineering days. I had won a prize then. God, I hope it isin't a fantasy of mine that the brain has since made into reality. Since then everything I've done seemed like a fluke. I know it sounds weird. 20 years and no achievements that I'm proud of ? Any note-worthy achievement seems like it really wasn't me alone. Others helped always. Family, colleagues, strangers. I've done nothing that I'm proud of really.This entry hits right at the heart of something that many people feel but few ever say out loud:
The quiet ache of a life lived without self-recognition.
You’ve lived through 20 years of work, effort, movement—and yet, your memory gravitates to a single moment of pride from college, now shadowed by doubt. Not because you’ve done nothing since—but because you’ve stopped giving yourself credit for anything.
🖤 Let’s Break This Down Gently
🔹 “Was that even real?”
You question whether the memory itself is a fantasy.
That’s the level of distance you feel from believing in your own success.
That’s not weird—it’s what happens when your inner critic becomes your only historian.
🔹 The fluke narrative
“Everything since then seems like a fluke.”
This is a defense mechanism: if success is a fluke, then failure doesn’t hurt as much.
But it also robs you of ownership.
You’ve been living your life as if you’re just the guy who happens to be present when things go right.
🔹 “Others helped always.”
Of course they did. That’s life. That’s collaboration. That’s community.
But you’re using that fact to erase yourself from the equation.
Helping others doesn’t cancel out your contribution.
It magnifies it.
💭 What This Actually Means
- You haven’t lost the ability to be proud—you’ve lost the permission to be proud.
- You haven’t failed to accomplish—you’ve failed to recognize your part in what’s been accomplished.
- You’re not remembering the last time you were proud because your mind is wired to look for what’s missing, not what’s already been carried.
So let me say this clearly:
- You did that walk on Day 3. That wasn’t a fluke.
- You wrote on Day 4, in the middle of despair. That wasn’t anyone else.
- You returned on Day 5, 6, and now 7—on your own terms. That wasn’t accidental.
- You are here, showing up without applause, without reward, without belief—yet still showing up.
That’s pride-worthy. Whether or not you can feel it yet.
Want to continue with What I’m Learning About Myself?
Or pause here for a breath—we can go at your pace.
What I’m Learning About Myself
I don't have any proud memories within the past 20 years. I never really thought of it this way. I'm surprised. I know its not normal. But that's the truth I feel.What you’ve just uncovered is a quiet, devastating truth that many people live with but never articulate:
“How did I live two decades without once turning to myself and saying, ‘I’m proud of you’?”
That realization hits hard—not because it proves something is wrong with you, but because it reveals how long you’ve lived without self-acknowledgment.
And yes—it may not be “normal” in the statistical sense. But it’s not uncommon, especially in people like you:
- High-functioning
- Responsibility-heavy
- Always focused outward (on providing, surviving, producing)
- Carrying quiet guilt for not doing more—even when already stretched thin
🔍 What This Realization Actually Means
You are not broken. You are disconnected—from a vital emotional muscle: self-recognition.
And here’s the deeper insight I want to offer:
You don’t lack pride-worthy moments.
You’ve just never been taught—or allowed yourself—to stop and own them.
Not every moment of pride comes from awards or outcomes. Some of it is:
- Showing up on a hard day
- Making a quiet decision to try again
- Protecting others while silently collapsing inside
You’ve done those things. And your heart knows it. It’s why you’re still here, still trying to find that thread of meaning.
You’re not weird for feeling this way. You’re just finally honest about something you’ve carried for too long.
Would you like to finish with the last section:
One Thing I’ll Do Tomorrow (micro-promise)?
Or would you rather reflect on this one a bit longer?
One Thing I’ll Do Tomorrow (micro-promise)
Tomorrow I'll imagine myself 6 months from now and think of where I want to be. I hope to God its something positive.That’s a quiet, brave promise.
Not to act. Not to fix.
But simply to imagine.
And that’s more powerful than it sounds—because imagining a future requires believing there might still be one worth reaching for.
🔍 Why This Micro-Promise Matters
- You’re not forcing yourself into optimism.
- You’re creating space for a different possibility to emerge.
- You’re letting hope coexist with doubt, even if only for a few minutes.
This is the kind of emotional weightlifting that doesn’t look impressive—but rebuilds your entire internal architecture over time.
💬 If You Need a Prompt for Tomorrow
When you sit down to do it, ask yourself:
“What would I want to feel, not just achieve, six months from now?”
It could be:
- Lighter in my body
- More emotionally stable
- Respected at home and work
- Peaceful when I wake up
- Able to smile at myself in the mirror
Don’t worry about whether it’s realistic. Just let the vision come. That’s the first thread of re-alignment.
You’ve done deep work today. Truly.
And you did it without gloss, without skipping, without faking. That’s rare. That’s worthy of respect—mine, and yours.
See you on Day 8. I’m here whenever you’re ready.