I said fuck it and booked the most expensive big car I can afford. I can only imagine little R on a car seat in the back and L either beside me or behind. I paid 500 as well. I fucked up with the edition though – but hey ho. I’ll try to do something on Saturday when the guy from the dealer is available again.. its alright if not. Its still a big car. Its all plastic and cheap but its my biggest car ever.
When L returned home – I was beaming with excitement and told L – “Congratulations! I booked our car!”. She just said ‘great!” – and that’s it. No excitement to know nothing.. what kind of car, how does it look – nothing. Later after an hour she said “Sorry I shouldn’t have reacted like that”, but even then, no further questions at all. It was like she just wants to go from point A to point B and that’s it. As far as I’m concerned, I’m not much different than any Uber driver.
The thoughts I’ve been having is – why is this bothering me so much? Yes of course I’ve got an 33k car because I want her to be impressed and ‘like’ whatever journey we will go together. But also I bought the car for ‘Me’ ! Is it true that my happiness is so directly linked with her approval and acceptance that I’m unable to tolerate her indifference? That can’t be healthy. I must imagine the happiness I will feel on driving an SUV irrespective of whether she approves or not. Its my car – I deserve it cos I earn as much and the car finance is around 10% of my salary (even before increment that’s due because of the recent promotion).
Its a cheap brand – but loads of space and a sun roof! Never in my life I imagined I could every buy a car like this. I’m scared and excited at the same time.
