Day 6
Date: 26-May-2025
Theme: Body Check-In
What I Did Today
I was supposed to focus on two things today – eating mindfully and moving a little again. Of these I was able to do only one. I had to finish a lot of left over food so mindful eating was difficult. However I did manage to walk for 15 mins (5 mins more than before) at a speed of 3.5.
I had my driving lesson in the afternoon as well. Li told me about an acquaintance who bought a house recently. I had a call with him to understand the process. Both the driving lesson and the conversation regarding house purchase threw me off a little. I spent the better part of the day worried, anxious, apprehensive and doubtful.
What I Felt
The conversation with the acquaintance who bought a house made me realise that I need a lot of money for the kind of house I wanted. All I can do is curb my expectations according to my capabilities. This means that perhaps my daughter will not go to a grammar school. I felt like that made a failure as a father. I regret wasting time.
I have already attempted driving exam twice and failed. Next month will be my third attempt. I don’t know what bullshit will happen in this attempt as well… I am desperate to pass and its just not happening. I’m hearing people passing in the first attempt and even in the second… but I am going for my third attempt. I get tensed and I mess up something always. A 40+ guy unable to pass a driving exam. I don’t have words to describe how pathetic I feel.
What I’m Learning About Myself
I have lot of regrets and I hate myself for not able to achieve things for my family. I wish my family had got a better man. I wish I was dead and buried somewhere.
One Thing I’ll Do Tomorrow (micro-promise)
No promises for tomorrow. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring.