I had written a post titled ‘Humiliation and Desolation’ few days back – but I couldn’t get myself to post it. It was the usual humiliation of office and feeling of utter loneliness in a world where no ones looking out for you. Somehow the dread and the feelings I had written there did not feel genuine enough. I felt like I was feeling bad for the sake of feeling bad.
So what am I actually feeling. I am actually pretty excited. I feel with the fact that I have stopped gaming, its like a heavy cloud has lifted. I am still looking around the corner to watch out for triggers that would make me play a video game again. I am excited for the upcoming flight home in a few weeks, excited for my 4th driving license test next week and I’m excited to get into photography again.
I am absolutely unable to focus on the weight loss game – but I know its coming. I am not feeling bad or guilty about it. I haven’t spoken to the AI in a while – will do it when there a milestone to be discussed or when I return from the trip home.
Dusted off my old Fujifilm X100f from the wardrobe and found out some damage has happened while the thing lay unloved. Some dials don’t move as they should, viewfinder has some dirt – fungus may be. It can be seen in the pic here. It’s sad to realise that I have forgotten photography. Practice is required for any skill.
I used to love the pics and the process of photography itself. Why did I leave it behind. Why did I sell off my lenses when I moved back home last time. What was I feeling… Its hard to put into words – or perhaps even remember what I felt when I sold of my camera and all my lenses.
Oh well.
May be I will click again.